So much of who I am has been determined by the way I spend my summers. Every June I travel to the White Mountains of New Hampshire to a small girls camp called Waukeela. I spend my summer days there lifeguarding, teaching swimming, and taking care of the younger girls, my campers. It is a place where perfecting the obscure trudgeon crawl is a realistic summer goal; where singing songs about church pigeons and stewed prunes at meal times is an expectation; where one bare lightbulb in the cabin is enough electricity; and where being yourself suddenly becomes easy, even after the roughest of school years. Ask me who I am and I'll tell you; I am a camper and counselor through and through. Waukeela has taught me to value friendships, to keep in touch, to make the best of any time at all, to take work seriously, always to respect myself, and never to forget how to laugh and be silly.

A very meaningful moment in my life was when I realized I possessed the quality to be calm and reassuring to others during an emergency. This moment occurred at camp last summer during my three-day white water canoeing trip. My best friend, Sara, and I were partners and slightly distracted from the task at hand. We were paddling down the longest and most treacherous part of the river when I realized we were stuck on a rock and about to tip over.

We tried paddling forward but it was too late. Sara did not know we were tipping but from my frightened ashen white face she knew something bad was going to happen.

The canoe flipped as Sara and I were thrown, along with our water bottles, bandannas and paddles into the fast moving river. It was the most frightening moment in my life. I was out of control and had to submit to nature's force. I was beyond scared but knew this was no time for fear to rule. Something inside me took over and I was no longer my frightened self but someone powerful and strong.

"Sara," I yelled, "Move out of the way of the canoe, "Sara MOVE." She obeyed and I kept yelling to her, "Sara feet up, Sara I want to see your toes."
"Katherine, I'm scared, we're going to die!" she yelled.
"No we are not, Sara Jayne Mota Leshen we are not going to die and don't tell yourself that." I wasn't sure if I was telling this to Sara or myself. "Sara we are going to be fine, let the paddles go, stay toward the back of the canoe and hold onto its rope."

She nodded expressionless. Her lips were trembling. The rapids were relentless; we were tumbling and gasping for breath. We were thankful for the clunky orange life vest and sturdy blue helmets.

We were hitting rocks and trying to navigate our bodies around the sudden drops while being in the wave. The extraordinary fear I experienced in trying to avoid the drops then realizing I had no control and was about to drop over and over was overwhelming. Then water would gush over your head while were hoping that you wouldn't break a bone. This fear was inexplicable. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and my breath was quickened.

"Sara try to ride the wave until we see the rest of the group and we?ll pull to the side."
"Ok," she responded as if on automatic.
"Sara, I want to see those pretty pink toes of yours,"I said. She tried to meekly smile.

Steve, our counselor, came up next to us in a canoe. "Girls," he yelled while trying to paddle up river to stay with us, "you are doing great, keep your feet up and we'll pull over when this stretch is done."
"We lost our paddles and water bottles," Sara blurted to him.
"I know we have extras," he said reassuringly. He paddled off leaving Sara, the rapids and me.

"Well," I said breaking the silence, "think about the great story we will have to tell our grandkids!" She laughed and I knew everything would be okay.

Once we had swam to the side and gathered ourselves together we tried to recap the fear we had felt. "I thought I was going to die," Sara announced. She turned to me, "Katherine, were you even scared? You were so calm I never knew you could be so calm."
"I was scared but I knew one of us had to think clearly and it wasn't going to be you." She laughed, "You're definitely right about that." We settled back into the canoe to continue our journey.

Looking back, it still surprises me about how calm and collected I was in a real life crisis. This is a quality that has been put to the test numerous times since then and to this day I am still surprised at how productive I am in an emergency. This is a quality I love and covet about myself. From falling out of the canoe I learned more about myself and who I am. It ultimately made me a stronger person in life.

We clasp the hands of those that go before us,
And the hands of those who come after us.
We enter the little circle of each other's arms
And the larger circle of lovers,
Whose hands are joined in a dance,
And the larger circle of all creatures,
Passing in and out of life,
Who move also in a dance,
To a music so subtle and vast that no ear hears it
Except in fragments
--Wendell Berry

Last summer I wasn't sure if I would be back in the Pine Grove again this summer. I thought last summer would be the last summer for a while that I would be spending at camp because like many good things I felt it was time for the door to my childhood to close and the window to adulthood to open. I thought I would be doing something rock related such as an internship, or working as a naturalist at one of the AMC huts. That was my plan, the road that I had mapped out for myself.

This plan wasn't really about how others would benefit from my knowledge or experience, it was more about what I would learn from the job and how it would look to grad schools or future employers. I was thinking about myself and in a way, was being selfish.

When I was sixteen, I spent my first summer working at a Girl Scout camp in Connecticut. Since then my summers have been devoted to working with children ranging in age from two to eighteen.

I love working with them and the idea of camp. Camp is more than just a bunch of cabins in the woods where counselors and children happen to go. It is a safe retreat from the pressure and difficulties of everyday life. It is a community where everyone is supporting each other through the fun and tough decisions of growing up and living in the world around us. We cannot know everything that is going on in the lives of our campers, but we can surround them with the love and support that they need to make healthy choices in their lives beyond camp. The female role models that have affected me and the choices that I've made came from camp.

My role model was Maggie. She was the camp director at the local day camp when I was in seventh and eighth grade while I was junior staff. She was in charge of all of us and met with us every morning before we went to help with our units. I can't tell you much about her anymore but I can tell you how she made me feel. She challenged us to become better both as people and as counselors. She made me laugh and feel full inside. She helped to create a safe, fun, learning environment where I could grow. I have a lot of memories from those summers and the influence that she has had is indescribable.

Last summer I came to Waukeela not knowing what to expect. I had been to other camps and Waukeela was different from all of them. It took a bit of time to get my bearings. The constant singing threw me for a loop and the mountains were like none that I had hiked before. I was in new, uncharted territory and I jumped in feet first and, with help, figured out my niche in the Waukeela community. I was that loud, enthusiastic hiking counselor who made an absolute fool of herself every night at dinner and had fun doing it. The staff were great, and the campers were a pleasure to take on trips.

My favorite trip was probably second session with the Scotch Pines. It wasn't because of the view, or the lack of difficulty in the hike, it was because of the close-knit community that I saw between them when we reached the waterfall and stopped for lunch. They sat and talked, laughed, smiled, and sang Disney songs. They had their own little micro-community inside the whole that was Waukeela and I felt privileged to witness those close bonds. Peter Pan reminded me of my own happy memories from school and every so often I'd visit their cabin just to talk and laugh. Later I learned that those discussions taught at least one girl more about being a counselor. Maybe knowing that is the biggest reason I came back, but then again maybe it's knowing that I have the ability the help shape the future by helping to provide the love and support that has become Waukeela.

This summer we have an amazing opportunity. We get to be a part of a community that has been shaped by generations of funny, joyful, spirited and courageous men and women. This community will go on to help shape the generations of Waukeela campers and counselors for years to come until our deeds are a distant memory but necessary in shaping the community that Waukeela and all the girls that she will serve, will become.

Dear Director,

We hear through the grapevine that the traditional dance between our camp and yours may be canceled this year. This puts us Waukeela girls in a terrible situation as we very much enjoy our dances with your camp of polite, respectful young men. To us our dances are not so much about getting distracted, but instead are about making new friends. Plus it is always a pleasure to dress up and listen to good, loud music. We hope you will consider a dance with us this summer so your campers and ours can enjoy the pleasure of each others company. It would really mean a lot to us, and we know your boys also look forward to socializing with us! We think highly of your camp, and hope you will come to a commendable decision! We greatly appreciate your time and would love your input.

Sincerely,
The Girls of Waukeela

P.S. We have read this past year that more than 53% of those being admitted to college these days are women, because as a whole we are doing better academically than boys our age. Being a part of this generation of females, we would love to share some of our knowledge with your boys and promise to be positive influences on them..

"Caitlin Delany."
"Carlin Ober."
"Emily Greene."

All my friends stood up and walked to the front of the dusty lodge to take their little white cards from the counselors. Each card had a red cross on it and was signed by a staff member. My heart sank. I hadn't passed swimming. I saw the ink black water in my head. THE DIVE. I hadn't passed the dive. My body wouldn't point itself into that deep, dark lake and dart towards the bottom, going I-don't-know-how-fast and I-don't know-how-deep. But why? I loved the lake. I loved swimming. I even loved pushing off the sandy bottom and making my body stream through the crystal clear water. Why couldn't I dive?

I hadn't learned? Maybe. I had missed the first year of diving at camp when I was sick. But I couln't bring myself to blame it on that. What to blame it on then? Nothing. I had nothing. That must mean that there was no reason I couldn't do it next year. Next year. The thought, even the words, seemd distant. I shook myself and walked over to hug my friends.

ONE YEAR LATER, CAMP WAUKEELA, N.H.

"Diving next week," Katie announced. I'd been waiting all summer, all year, to dive. I had made myself forget how scared I was, but when the day came to walk to Big Dock I remembered with a jolt my fear of the dark inky water that I was to dive into. How deep was it again? My feet kept catching the rocks and roots on the path through the woods. I stared down at my Tevas. The path was never-ending. I knew every step I took brought me closer to the dive. I thought about how much I wanted to turn around and run, and then how much I wanted to pass my level. Level Four. That sounded so good. I know how to dive, that sounded even better.

"You okay, Isabel?" It was Lindsay, our swimming teacher.

"Fine."

We jumped into the water, splashing and getting used to the cool waves on our necks, and madly treading water. Then we climbed up the ladder out of the lake. We lined up for...THE DIVE.

"What about laps today?" I asked hopefully.

"Just diving today."

I couldn't bring myself to watch the other girls who went before me. Then it was my turn.

My body shook as I walked towards the water. I counted the wooden planks - one, two, three.

Now I stood at the edge of the dock. Just go, I told myself. Just go. I felt myself leaning into the water and before I knew it, I was streaming downward. The water was moving up my body fast. I felt like a dart plunging down towards the sandy bottom of the lake. The Bottom! I was so deep. I arched my back up, and without paddling I raced towards the surface, then broke through. The air felt so fresh and sweet, the water near the surface was much warmer than deep in the lake. I flipped onto my back and floated there, willing Lindsay to let me float there on the lake all day. Then I saw Alex streaming up towards me from the bottom, her face streaked with fear and pride.

"Izzy?!"

"Ya?" I said in a daze.

"Oh my God!"

I flipped off my back to face her and instantly mirrored her beaming face.

"oh my God!"

**************************************

"And going into level four:

Alex Botnick.
Isabel Watts."

Camp Waukeela changed my life forever. Being at sleepaway camp for a month out in the woods exposed me to new activities and people and helped me overcome many fears. Camp also showed me new things about myself that I didn't know before, and began the journey of self-discovery that I really needed to shape who I am today.

When I first arrived at Waukeela, I was 11 years old and totally new to the whole experience of just diving into things. My first year helped me overcome a case of extreme homesickness, as well as a fear of insects!! It just so happened that the cabin that I was assigned was the only one in camp frequently "visited" by creatures that crawled! I had a top bunk, and every night there were ants sneaking past me on the shelves, digging little burrows into my clean, folded clothing. Every year I have been to camp, my homesickness level has gone down at least halfway and my bug tolerance has gone up, and I am very proud of that!

I came from Utah, and being in New Hampshire was an extremely unusual feeling because the people were so different. The girls seemed louder, pushier, and wanted to control everything - until I got to know them! Now some of these outgoing, assertive girls have become my best friends. Camp has made me more confident in myself, and made me love being independent. Waukeela also made me more curious, and eager to try new things. In my second year I tried Riflery for the first time. Last year I was selected to be on the Riflery Team with only two others in my age group. Riflery is now my favorite sport, but if I hadn't taken that extra step and just tried it, then I would never have discovered how exhilarating and fun a new thing can be.

Camp also assisted me in learning how to make friends with girls. Being at an all girls camp helped me see how girls actually are when there is no pressure to be perfect around boys. There is not so much anxiety and strain. Girls aren't fake. They adore being who they are, not who they wish they were.

In my most recent summer, one of my cabinmates was from France. She taught me to speak French "the real way". Meeting and spending time with her showed me how different people are, and how cool those differences can be. She also helped me improve my French a great deal!

All of these experiences helped shape the girl I am today. Now, I'm not as afraid of bugs as I was before. I am more outgoing, confident about who I am, and able to stand my ground. I was able to join in activities with people I didn't know and who weren't my friends, and ended up making friends I never could have met otherwise. I discovered various new interests such as Riflery and Kayaking. Camp was like a personality factor, where you go in one person and come out completely different, changed for the better. Now I know how one small decision, like going to camp, can have an enormous impact on a life.